I used to be that guy

i used to be that guy...the go-getter all-rounder...the dream-chaser...the guy w tht determination to succeed...thirsty for money, fame n power...thirsty to b better than others...n an ungraceful loser...at least i think i was...

but an event happend to change my view of things...my nimita ripened...n i met my kalyana mitra...as contrary to what others think...i hv read somewhere tht kalyana mitra does not hav to b a person, even an event that restores our faith in the Dhamma is a spiritual friend...n that was when i met my kalyana mitra...

its a funny story how i met my kalyana mitra n im blessed in many ways to hv had this event befall me as not many ppl think about such things at such a young age...the sudden realization that all the fame, money n friends we hv, we cannot take to our next life, n tht death is something we face alone is truly awakening...

n it was this moment i gave up the chase...life was too short to live complicatedly...it was too lonely to live it w our hearts closed to others...n it was too wasteful if we lived it wo mindfulness...to this very day i alwez remind myself tht things will pass...things will go...n of course i still attach (im not a saint!) but...i begin to see more how the mind is so clingy...so addicted...

hv u heard of drug addicts?? when u take the drugs away from them, they fidget, they will feel hot n feel cold, they will shake, they will feel sick...all sorts of things n unless they get the drug, they wont stop...n thts how i notice the mind bhaves...it is ADDICTED to things, n if we take away the thing it will shake n fidget n think of 1001 excuses for u to get attached again...the unrestrained mind is truly an addict...n thts the latest lesson i learnt

sometimes my mind is in doubt, at our age, ppl tell us to b passionate n go-getting! b energetic n take opportunities! work late! learn as much as we can so tht we can have a good future!...but my core values are different...ever since meeting my kalyana mitra...im trying to learn care, love, respect...to b gentle n kind in speech, to b meek in nature, to b tolerant n patient, to give...all which seems contrary to western blifs of being smart n assertive, to grab opportunities, to go go go, to dream of ur future, to b quick n fast, to b result oriented...n tht was my internal turmoil throughout most of this year when job searching...

at present, my job gives me the freedom of time to practice religion...i hv time to recharge n go for dana in the morning...im trying to incorporate more dhamma in my daily life n hopefully this will prep me for a better future...

haha...anyways im not saying i hv changed...but im changing n still trying to change...hopefully i can make good use of this life n develop my mind to higher levels of wisdom n mindfulness so tht i can attain liberation from this endless cycle

sorry tht everything seems a mess...just updating randomly haha...thanks for reading =)