Chinese New Year

wow...its been awhile since i have blogged here...i can't say that much has happened though...chinese new year has finally arrived, n i am more than happy! however, this year i realize tht the "feel" is not there anymore...where has it gone?? i think its all in our minds...if i wantd to "feel" chinese new year, i would hv just hyped myself up n then any small sign of red decorations, lanterns, firecrackers, noise n i would say "whoa! look this year is so 'ri nao'!" hahaha!! once more, we conclude that mind is the fore-runner of all things, if we think so, then it shall be so.

today i did a very interesting thing! i was invited by my students to go to their house to "bai nian"...honestly speaking, i am very very honored that they feel close enough to me to ask me to their house. LoL sometimes i wish they were more expressive so that they could exchange views with me. previously, i would possibly never go to ppl's houses during chinese new year, the simple reason being tht ppl will have to give me an ang pao as a sign of courtesy. growing up, i learnt never to trouble people and seeing some of my friends tht choose to go ang pao hunting on chinese new year makes me feel tht its not very right...chinese new year is not about the money...its about spending time w the ones u love, having fun, laughing and ushering in the new year together! forgiving each other for previous mistakes and starting from a clean slate! its not about who gets how much ang paos and wanting to benefit at the expense of others...not about grumbling when ppl give you few dollars in your ang pao because according to chinese traditions, the ang pao is the sign of good luck a good wish, and we offer it to others as a symbol of wishing them well! hahaha

apart from that, lately...i feel that i have not been practicing the dhamma well enough...not worthy of someone to be respected...in this moment i must continue practicing again, start over!! be worthy of the respect...like the saying goes, never point your fingers at ppl when u havn checkd for the dirt beneath your own finger nails!! haha n thats what we hv to do...improve!!

today i reminded myself of a lesson which keeps swirling in my head...we can never change ppl...change is strictly up to them...my student's mom was telling me how her kids were going to sunday school only bcoz i was teaching...although im really happy tht they like me so much...i kinda wish tht they were able to choose to go there bcoz they wantd to learn the dhamma...yeaps, its true tht it can be boring sometimes...but i guess in life we nv get what we always want...secretly..i wish tht i can continue knowing them for the rest of our lives...theres so much i'd like to teach them manners, values, ethics...if i were able to positively influence even one of them...it would be such a great great accomplishment..but then again...i'll nv know when we hav to part our separate ways...haih it is sad to think of it...but impermanence is the very rule of life...n being sad is fruitless...

today i am considering once more whether to let them access this private blog of mine...it has many of my deepest thoughts...but also some great dhamma lessons which i write up when i feel inspired...however...im afraid...so far ppl who know my thoughts just leave me...haha...so...what if they leave me too?..haha...