After the Trip

wow...i hvn blogged for so long...HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~ a breath of relief...i had been so worried for tht subject's outcome, i didn't know how i would hv taken it if i had failed...honestly speaking...although i didn't prepared it as much...i didn't want to just get a P for it...i was secretly wishing for a D or HD but i know its impossible...but at least i got a C...so im happy! as for the other 3 subjects...i guess im kinda okay with the results...i kinda wishes for a D for one of my subjects instead of a C...but whatever goes, as long as i hav passd n i can get my degree, then im fine!

i hvn seen everyone for ages n in a way, my attachment to them has lessened, in a mundane world, it would not be a very nice thing to say, but in the Buddhism sense, its a good thing. i realized i hv become too attached to them n wishing for them to be perfect, to be with me always, to accept me, to love me, to care for me, to notice me...it is really alot to ask from others..

actually i hv noticed something...lately i hv been secretly asking myself questions...like what i want...how would i react...why this would end up like this and that would end up like that...and i realized...in many circumstances...its all tht moment, tht circumstance, tht intention...its a neverending circle of tweaking our expectations to gain this perfect object of desire...for instance...whats the perfect lover?...sometimes i would say someone whom is strong when i am weak...but then sometimes i would think, i wanna b the strong one too, i wanna protect my loved ones, i dont wana b guided always...sometimes i would say silent...but i wan conversation too...sometimes i would say friendly, but i wan my private time too...so...how? hahahaha in the end, it just came to the conclusion tht, no matter what we choose, we need to live with the consequence, if we choose to stay in a warm climate country, then we would hav to accept tht it would bcome too hot sometimes n we would sweat....if we chose to eat a sweet for tht wonderful nice sweet taste, we hav to accept the fact tht it may lead us to bcome fatter or high blood sugar...all choices have their consequence...all causes have their effects...the law of karma...

another thing i noticed is when i went to holidays in another country this year, as usual there r so many attractive ppl which i get to see in this country..however, this time i questioned myself...i started looking at the old ppl...n i thought, these youngsters will one day look like those adults...the sun on their skin may look nice now, but when they grow older they will get spots instead...their bodies may be fit now, but the adult versions seem mostly pot bellied n losing shape...it is the truth of aging...i rmb seeing 2 aunties buying beauty products for their faces n i rmb thinking "why would u need so much products on ur face? it will not stop it from bcoming older, it will not stop your hair from falling, stop your skin from blotching"...n this was when i began to look at their attitudes...everyone seems to be rushing...running...pushing past...driving fast...is this the way we want to live life?..they r so brisque in their manner n so confident n bold tht sometimes it can be mistaken for rudeness and arrogance...no doubt tht their service is good, but u can't help but notice tht the smile tht the service girl is giving is just tht of professional courtesy n not sincere warmth...it is then i suddenly realized...this country...well known for it sophistication, technology savvy, great service, efficiency...known for it's high tech-ed malls, amazing nightclubs, high class hotels and great service...this haven for many...was actually sin city...yes, the pay is high, yes the products are of quality, the service is praised, everything so pristine, so perfect...but they are all just attachments...the comfort they provide act as a drug inducing ppl to want more, need more...they couldn't possibly survive without it all...these material goods are so comfortable...so nice...all the craving, the attachment...the greed...

LoL!! my goodness...it sounds like im condemning the country! but tht is not my intent...im sure tht there r many ppl not being lured by these items of desire...n in truth, everything really is good here...however...one must really guard our senses to avoid delving deep into the pits of attachment...for attachment is a drug...it blinds us...addicts us...makes us feel as if we cannot live without them...it fogs our thoughts and minds...truly scary it is!!!

haha well i guess tht would b enough for now...goodnight yow~